Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Graduate School Disease

Before I came to UPeace a wonderful person told me that the secret to grad school is not to believe your own self doubt. To not let yourself begin to think that you aren't as smart as the other people, or that they are doing better, or even that they are less confused... cause we'll all be faking it. Wise advice - but hard not to do. Doubt can fester like the most disgusting infection.

This is my month-o-thesis and I feel like I have embarked on the most insane of emotional roller-coasters. Each morning I pack up my knapsack and head off to school, walk through school and go to the peace park, where the internet doesn't function - in the hopes that will help with focus. I have a day where writing comes easily - and I feel like I am on track for meeting my goals, that really finishing is indeed possible, that I am clever, that this project is interesting, that I can do something with it! And then... the other days come and I feel like I can't get it right, that I have no idea what I am doing, that I must be doing it wrong, I am clearly not smart enough to be in graduate school and that what I am working on is of no use to anyone in the universe... and I pray that the morning will make graduate school seem possible again (I hear the wisdom of my grandmother, spoken through my mom's telling, that all things will look better in the morning).

I don't remember the last time where I spent so much time bribing myself to complete things, the: if you write (fill in a number of words or pages) you can go for a walk, or read a bit of a magazine or... My month-o-thesis is rapidly coming to an end - and there is still a lot to write... but hopefully tomorrow wakes feeling optimistic. If you have any tips on writing or editing - now is the time to share them.

Oh well, I am sure I will survive - and my writing companions are pretty cute, in their funny little waddlely ways.

I hope you're well!
peace to you,

Friday, June 10, 2011

24 thousand words and counting

Well - it's here, Month-O-Thesis. Can I do it? Cross your fingers ok?

Last week, I had the fabulous opportunity to talk to some AMAZING teachers - about their classrooms and work with 6th graders. It's part of the adventure of my thesis - and incredible as those teachers are... I am discovering transcription is not something I have a passion for. I have been listening, typing, pausing and rewinding all week. I am almost done with the transcriptions - and have just topped 24 000 words but I have decided that before I can finish this lovely thesis there are a couple things I should seek out. Ready?
  1. A keyboard - that is not the one on my laptop, so that the screen can sit at one height and my hands and arms at a lower height. Why you may ask? I think my thesis has actually hurt me... or at least my shoulder - and I haven't really done any of the writing of 'my words' yet... and my body hurts - so - item 1 - keyboard.
  2. Stretches so that my constant state of sitting also doesn't kill me. My self entertainment has been handstands - but I feel I should probably branch out. :) It is kind of fun to spend a certain amount of time upside down every day though.
  3. Sometimes leaving the house... I have resolved that as great as the theory is that I have the designated 'work' space in my house... I still should leave my house - least for a little bit each day. My life has felt much happier since instituting this on Wednesday. Hee hee.
So - in possibly my most concise post, in quite some time - wish me luck... Month-o-thesis has begun!

peace to you!